Life beyond boundaries

I hope yu are all enjoying yur summer holiday. To be honest half of me cannot wait to get back to school; and the other half just wants to be on summer vacation for a lot longer than the time given. It was a good week after England; although I miss it there like crazy, it's nice being back home, around things I'm familiar with, around people I know.
How is it possible for someone to be able to recognize their comfort zone? To rule out their comfort zone and be able to distinguish in & out of it? How long does it take for one to consider another, a part or a party of their comfortability? I find it so interesting, how right at this moment in time, I'm here, sat at home, casually surfing the internet at 6 in the morning while another is just tucking themselves to bed somewhere else around the world. Why the world is round? Why we are orbiting around the sun? So many questions, so many potentials who can come up with those desired answers, so little confirmation and certainty. Despite the fact that there is a probability of a whole new not only world, but a whole new atmosphere out there somewhere waiting to be discovered, we are still working assiduously to understand the simplistic world we live in now - its clockwork, its mechanics, its function. Somewhere beyond our understanding, there is more to be figured out, more to be understood - and I crave for this. Our mind is so limited and gives us so many boundaries to how much we are able to register the amount of information. The feeling of loss is unexplainable. One cannot possibly pinpoint the definition of that lexis. If our human brain is so developed and multi-functional, how is this possible? If one cannot pinpoint the definition of certain words or actions or emotions, and if this other 'universe' is yet to be found, how are we to swallow it all in? How did we get to where we are? How much more is there for us to find out? In a lifetime - averagely calculated, 70+ years, the amount of information we are permitted (by 'age') to absorb is highly restricted. Who decides this and why is this so?

England

A commitment broken

usually.. yu would be breaking down. every minute of the fucking day would feel like absolute hell. the day feels like its been extended by a million years, and the feelings yu've been hoping to get better all fucking week, months, whatever, just seems to get worse. if he's in school, yu try so hard to avoid bumping into him, or being near him. but yu know what? subconciously, yu end up somehow being as near to him as yu can, without him realizing. yes. its creepy. but it happens. it's what love drives yu into doing. yu keep wishing he'd notice yu. yu keep wanting to know, who he's talking to. what he's doing. how he feels. and yu keep telling yurself.. 'it'll be okay.' and so do those around yu. but reality check for yu. it's not. and yu know it's not. not for a while.
but it's okay to hurt. it's okay to cry. it's okay to feel that way. because yu're human. yu're allowed to. yu're supposed to. if yu had a heart, it would be strange if yu didn't.
getting out of a relationship with someone yu love, yu trust, yu treasure, is always hard. yu make yurself feeling better by asking yurself questions like.. 'would i really be feeling this way in 2 years time? is it really worth crying over what's already over, when it's a fact that i'm going to think back to it 2 years later, laughing?'. of course it's fucking worth it. it's why yu kicked off so well in the first place.
but that's just the wrong way to phrase it. yu should be reassuring yurself thinking.. 'in 2 years time, i'll think back on this, and be glad as hell it happened.'
because at the end of the day, yu learned. by the end of the day, yu experienced, and most importantly, by the end of the day, yu loved, and were loved. now. a good break-up is always hard to have. a good break-up is only performed between two people who genuinely shared something special - and by this i mean both ways. if it's hard, it was a love that was one-sided. no matter how much yu hate to believe it, don't waste yur time, and figure it out for yurself. the quicker the better. the faster yu find out, the more pain yu're going to feel... in such a shorter time. how many relationships have yu gone through, and by the end of it, thought, 'fuck. my life is over. i'm never gonna get over him.'? how many relationships have yu gone through where, by the end of it, yu were the one who ended up in tears, felt like he didn't give a shit, felt so unfair, so broken down, so stepped all over, so lonely? those are the ones that are never worth it. in a million fucking years, and more.
the ones that help yu learn. the ones that help yu get back on yur own two feet, the ones that help yu put a smile on yur face, and makes yu think 'i'm so glad that happened'. those are the ones yu should treasure. those ones are the ones yu should never in a million years forget.
once gone through a good break-up.. yu have now taken friendship to a whole new level (assuming yu guys are still .. 'friends'). yu two have been friends. yu two have been lovers. yu two have been soul mates. yu two have been through the worst. this makes yu two, best friends. more than best friends, if the english fucking dictionary had a word for that. unfortunately not. the person who yu've gone through this with, surprisingly, has walked into every way and angle possible into yur life, it is practically inhumane to decide not to keep the friendship alive. this person knows yu inside out. this person knows how yu think. how yu would react. this person can tell when yu're bored, sad, happy, angry, and whatever else emotion yu may feel - even without a single word from yu. now tell me. why the fuck would yu let someone who knows yu, walk out of yur life so easily? (i will emphasize on the 'knows'. it's easy to say yu know someone. it's easy to get to know someone. but it's the hardest fucking thing to do, to know someone.) these kind of people, yu want to keep in yur life, no matter what it takes. it takes months, years, decades.. events, drama, problems, memories, to build this kind of relationship up. yu'd be a fucking idiot to let it slip out of yur hands.
but this isn't no easy job to do. it takes time. pressure. emotional development. attachment. patience, and most of all.. love. that's why it makes the friendship more beautiful than ever in every way possible - because yu both have worked so hard for it, gone through so much for it, risked so much for it, felt so much for it. now, if yu haven't yet felt this way about someone. yu've missed out on a lot. yu're missing out on a lot, and yu will miss out on a lot.
people walk in on yur life. do their part, and walk out. friends walk in on yur life. do their part, and walk out. there is no way yu are going to stop this from happening. how many friends have yu made, how many friends have yu lost, and most importantly, how many have yu kept? they all say, choose yur friends wisely. how are yu doing this right now? from instant judgement, yu're not being fair. yu're not giving a chance. yu're not willing to take a risk. without trying, yu never get to find out what might have been.
ones who don't appreciate yu, take yu for granted, don't deserve a glance from yu.
but open yur eyes. don't miss out on the single mistake of a brush stroke just because yu are so deperately striving to look at the bigger outcome of art.

To commit, or not to commit. That is the question

com·mit
Audio Help [kuh-mit] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation verb, -mit·ted, -mit·ting.
–verb (used with object)
1. to give in trust or charge; consign.
2. to consign for preservation: to commit ideas to writing; to commit a poem to memory.
3. to pledge (oneself) to a position on an issue or question; express (one's intention, feeling, etc.): Asked if he was a candidate, he refused to commit himself.
4. to bind or obligate, as by pledge or assurance; pledge: to commit oneself to a promise; to be committed to a course of action.
5. to entrust, esp. for safekeeping; commend: to commit one's soul to God.


everyone's got commitments. but it's ones those who think about what kind of commitment they are making prior to when they make it that matters. a commitment isn't a commitment unless it is kept until the end - or until the period promised. we all expect things from our lovers, family, and friends. according how intimate, close, and emotionally attached yu are, the amount of commitment and the willingness varies. and of course, it hurts to know or assume the amount of commitment between the two are bigger than yu think - and be let down. yu look for friends for comfort. yu look for my best friend for comfort. yu are just as willing to give as much back - if not even twice the amount, and it always hurts to know that they are the ones who've let yu down, when they are the ones yu usually look for. this is when emotion takes over. this is when yu cannot control the outbursts of feeling - this is what makes a human, a human. we have the ability to control the emotion we feel at different time of day and situation - and the personality and the way we are brought up changes how we deal with this - and this is what makes each and every one of us the same yet so different. everyone comes across a point in life where they lose control of expressing how they feel - where they feel like their head is about to explode due to the frustration, anger, disappointment, and betrayal. we use words to describe these emotions; but is it ever enough? emotion is so much more than what we call them - sadness feels like it's about to rip yur heart apart, depression feels like a gigantic black cloud sat in your head, depression feels like giving up the one thing yu were given when yu were born - life, loneliness feels like an empty hole in yur heart...
do those lexis really sum up the wave of emotion we feel?
commitment is all about being able to gain someone's trust - and making a promise to be by their side no matter what; to support their decisions no matter what the consequences. commitment is about being able to fully throw yurself and swear to be obliged to do whatever that was promised, again, no matter what.
a commitment broken results to an outburst of emotion. yu may hurt, yu may cry, yu may even feel emotionless - this is emotion that is undescribed. when yu've given everything yu could possibly think of - everything that matters in your life, to someone else, and in just a couple of minutes it could feel like it never happened before. it takes an incredibly frightening amount of time to gain one's trust - and it takes seconds to destroy it. this is why people feel betrayed. all those months, years, and even seconds spent with them meant so much to yu, but through a certain action or words said by one that matters most to yu, yu feel everything is lost. yur heart feels like it weighs the world. what goes around comes back around. yu're only able to know how it feels to be let down, only if yu've been there. so unless someone has literally been there, the things such as "i know how yu feel" or "i understand" is just bluntly speaking 0 bullshit. don't make a commitment yu are not willing to stick to. don't make a commitment yu know yu aren't able to keep. it may be a few words that form a promise to yu, but to someone else, it means everything they've got.

Our abusive society

Being having to grow up in an environment where looks, wealth, and reputation matters, we cannot but continuously look for new, innovating ways to fit in. Whether it be saving up to amend one's body, buying new cosmetics, looking for a 2nd job, regardless what it is, we all seem to be caught into it.

Has anyone come across to think that we could possibly be abusing the world? When the world has had enough of us humans destroying and abusing our environment for the better good for US, it would be impossible to tell when they would strike back. And all we've worked for, for all those years, decades, centuries, millenniums, would be wasted. Down the drain. All that work human life has put into to improve the industrialisms, knowledge on the aspect of life, the nuclear experiments, aerospace, politics, education, health, science... (by the time I finish my list, I would've probably grown my one of many strands of grey hair)... would've been flushed down the toilet. Just like that. Without no warning. And surprisingly.. that's not even the bad part.

The worst part is,
despite the gathering all of our power of humanity, putting all our brains together to form the ultimate plan in order to think of ways to 'save the world' like they do in the movies...
there is absolutely, nothing, we could do.

From here on, comes the question of the existence of God.
Now, my intentions aren't to offend anyone, or cause any harm to those who have faith in whatever God they believe in. In fact, it would be most probably safe if I claimed I was a Catholic myself. I respect your religion. As you are proud (or promotional) of yours, I am here to challenge you.
However, in a time like war, poverty, and all the ugly things existing in our world, what did God do to help?
I would like to question to those who are religious. When we see all those photographic evidence of those in need, my fellow Christians are praising God for their gifts, daily food, praising the Lord for how priveledged they are. What did you do to help those children?
Prayers. Literally speaking, from an Atheists' point of view, you.. are talking to yourself in your head.
Have you seen "Jesus Camp"?
I won't hesitate to claim that the woman in that is a hard-core Christian. Ironically, those children look rather possessed. Correct me if I'm wrong. The clips on Youtube of 'Jesus Camp' gives me the tendency to think so. The lady in Jesus Camp claims the Global Warming is just a label us humans gave to what God is bringing into our world.
Yep. She claims all this scientific explanation of what scientists has approached on, is God's work of 'cleansing' us.

There were an insanely large number of people who held on to that 'hope' - God - and yet still had to mourn for their lost loved ones. You can imagine the pain they went through. While we sit on our asses and moan about the new iPhone our parents disagreed to purchase, we're all about designer labels.
I would very much like to further discuss my viewpoints of this aspect of life, however I'm here to bitch and moan about our abusive society.

Carrying on, back to global warming.
We have literally peeled the billions of layers that Earth once had - and we're getting so close to the seed.
Each peel was not yet satisfying for our being; hence the further abuse and to come. I understand that we are trying to obtain more knowledge about this 'world' we are living in, this life we are given. But there is a limit to everything. There is a limit to our environment. We can't possibly be maltreating the world as we do currently and use the excuse "we are trying to build a better environment for our future beings", if we're frankly taking away the life expectancy of this world.

Appreciate your time here and make the fucking most out of it.
Because at the end of the day, whether you like it or not, if you're reading this, you were chosen to live the good life. Appreciate it, and don't take it for granted. You have so many opportunities at the tip of your fingertips right now that are just lingering around for you to notice.
If anything, abuse the opportunity. Crave for more. Don't let it pass by, because in 60 years time, you will look back on it and think to yourself,

'Why was I so foolish back then?'

and then it'll be too late.

View from a plane

has it ever crossed anyone's mind how beautiful the world looks a couple of thousand feet above the ground, on an airplane?
i was flying over bangkok yesterday, at about 5pm, when the sun was just being drawn down.
the plane was circling the city before it landed for an exchange flight back to hong kong, and although i've been on hundreds of flights, i've never seen such a picture perfect moment from that height.

the buildings were so tiny that i felt that i could pick up each and every one with the tip of my nails, gently, and re-align every millimeter of synthetic perfection. it hit me how big a country thailand was, and it was so fascinating to see all the still yet rapid movement from above.
all roads and highways were perfectly placed in between buildings, over rivers and one another.
i detached from the world for a good 2 minutes. before i was part of the synthetic perfection - apparently.
nothing seemed to matter from above; i couldn't see the aging, the abuse, the poverty & inhumanity; everything & everyone had its own place, where it belongs - protection.
but we all know.. that's yet again, a man's expertise - an illusion.

everything was so peaceful from up above; and i couldn't possibly imagine the power to blow a large scale of the land up with another one of man's creation - destruction.
the land was so wide from up there, and i immediately knew, the second i landed, the sky would be the larger picture, but not for the good 2 minutes.
it was so clear to see which part of the country had abandoned nature; which left nature for survival, and which parts allowed nature & concrete to bond - a synthetic mixture - something nature could not control.
let's all hope we don't underestimate the power of nature..
the crystal clear fact that we need it in order to survive.
let's all hope we realize it isn't a good idea to take it for granted
before it's too late.

Distant

dis·tant (dĭs'tənt) Pronunciation Key
adj.

1. 1. Separate or apart in space.
   2. Far removed; remote
2. Coming from or going to a distance
3. Far removed or apart in time
4. Far apart in relationship
5. Minimally similar
6. Far removed mentally
7. Aloof or chilly

why is it that the closer we get, the harder it is to let go?
it is piss easy for people to say; 'we'll keep in touch' 'we'll still be the same' 'we won't be strangers' 'i'm still there for you'...
but its hard to mean it; and we all know that.
when we blatantly say it; we both know it isn't going to happen; yet that's just a fact that neither of us mention.. because maybe we both want to keep our relationship together that much.
whether it's moving countries or moving schools.. if the common interest or similarity disappears, no matter how hard you try, it's a fact that over a period of time, things will never be as it was before.
i've experienced loss. whether you think it's big or not; you're not in a place to judge. but it is a big loss for me. not being able to keep in touch with a certain friend or being as close to someone.. is a big loss to me. the change in environment; people; whatever it may be changes the person you are. and although i don't believe it; apparently it did for me. you take that long to build up that tight bond between you and that special someone.. and over a couple of weeks; months; years' time, it's so easy to let it slip out of your hands without even realizing it.
until you need that someone's opinion; that someone's voice; perspective. until you realize that you need that someone's little something to help you feel a little better.
until you feel like you need that something, you don't realize that you've lost that something. again, relating to my past blog; taking things for granted.
once in a while's sms, phone call or a meeting may spark things up back to life.. but honestly speaking. how long does that last for?
soon.. neither of you feel the need to bother. neither of you feel the need to. as time passes by, that friendship; that bond has already been replaced by someone who's been there when that someone wasn't. soon the gap is replaced.
people walk in & out of your life. if there is a walk-in; there is definitely a walk-out, no matter how long it is, there is definitely going to be one. it's inevitable. no matter how many times you look back and think you could've tried a little harder to keep that friendship alive; you can't have it back.
because by the point when that thought is in your head; it's already too late.
it is always harder to renew friendship; to carry on the bond.
but it's always a great feeling to have that one session in a while
when you meet up
and re-live those great memories you shared.
to have a little laugh at what you were.
to sit down and have a chat; to talk about what you can be.
to see if he/she can walk back into your life.. in another perspective.
through another door.

X-mas

the xmas spirit is everywhere, it's fucking great.
another world-wide social event where everyone is bound to be in a good mood & celebrating.

christmas is a time when families get together, forget about all their worries, put their troubles behind them.. temporarily. just until the christmas family celebration is over. just a few hours.
then it's back to reality.
some of yu may think that im an extreme pessimist towards the world; but i like to put my perspectives into words & share it through this internet diary of mine; regardless what yu feel towards them - i just like to share my views.
my family stopped celebrating xmas a long time ago - the last time i remember a tree up in my house was nearly 10 years ago - back in the philippines.
my family was extremely happy back then.. most likely because i was still a child - they were in control. children do as they are told, with no questioning.
they are scared of authority.
they are scared to be in control.
when a child goes through puberty and start to develop its own perspectives and starts to stand up against its parents; thats when the trouble kicks in - the child is now able to connect with society.
it's such a big jump - from being a child into a teenager, i think. although i'm only half way through my journey, i feel like i've experienced shit loads, and i've got so much to tell.

only if anyone asked.

back then, it was all about me getting what i wanted - what i desired for temporary entertainment.
things have changed a lot since i've moved back to hong kong, and as usual, i like to think all the change was for the best. we lived in a huge house back there in ayala alabang; and every festive holiday my mom used to decorate the whole entire two-story house depending on which festival it was - halloween or xmas, it was fucking fantastic. now i live in a tiny little flat here in hong kong; some nut bag decided it would be a great idea to squeeze in 4 bedrooms, a kitchen, 2 toilets, a living room and a balcony onto a floor. what an idiot. i've got heaps of photos of me posing like a little twat in front of the decorated house which i vaguely remember taking. i remember going around from house to house knocking on the houses with the scariest decoration asking for trick or treats, with my sister, and a plastic pumpkin in one hand. those decoratives used to scare the shit out of her - god knows what she's scared of nowadays. she's in her own little world experiencing the satisfaction of the invention of the cellular phone, and the computer.
and her so-called friends.

it's getting light. it's 6am on xmas morning, and my eyes feel like they weigh a ton.

I dream

dream.

drim/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[dreem] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation noun, verb, dreamed or dreamt, dream·ing, adjective

–noun

1.	a succession of images, thoughts, or emotions passing through the mind during sleep. -[dictionary.com]-

ahh, this thing.
the thing that leaves everyone questioning the mysterious after a good nights' sleep. what did all that mean? psychologists analyzed dreams and their definitions.. the significant details all represent a certain aspect of the dreamer's present life.. or religiously speaking, past and/or future. we all come across falling into this dreamland of ours at one point in life, yet it still links us all together - as it does in reality. they say a dream that captures a moment of the subject being 'flying', represents the overflow of their self-confidence. freedom. i'll share yu my re-occurring nightmare. could yu even call it that? it doesn't sound too scary i suppose.. but believe me, visualize it, play it in yur head, and it is freaky as fuck. imagine this.
yu open yur eyes, and yu find yurself in the middle of whiteness. what is it? a faint line draws where the sky meets the earth...
it's a desert. a white, milky desert. everything's flowing however, and nothing seems to stop. in a shade of white, everything moves, and yu can't help but notice every movement of the mounted sand around yu.
with a blink of yur eye, everything disappears. play this fast track. yu're standing in front of a wall, an arm's span apart from yu, then graffiti suddenly fades into the picture. not just any old graffiti.. but real dirty, corrupted graffiti of different colors.
it's scary as fuuuuuuck.

The Virginia Tech incident

rest in peace, to those who were victims of cho's.

i'm not judging, i'm not siding, nor am i putting down my personal opinion of this incident.

an·ti·so·cial /ˌæntiˈsoʊʃəl, ˌæntaɪ-/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[an-tee-soh-shuhl, an-tahy-] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation

–adjective

1.	unwilling or unable to associate in a normal or friendly way with other people: He's not antisocial, just shy.

2.	antagonistic, hostile, or unfriendly toward others; menacing; threatening: an antisocial act.

3.	opposed or detrimental to social order or the principles on which society is constituted: antisocial behavior.

4.	Psychiatry. of or pertaining to a pattern of behavior in which social norms and the rights of others are persistently violated.

[dictionary.com]

could we blame this state of mind, to support cho's actions?
he was known to be a 'loner', etc. but the reason being.. was it because he was different from the students of virginia tech? or was it because the students of virginia tech chose not to accept him as an individual himself? or was it simply because cho chose to block out everyone from his life?
i'm pretty sure nobody wants to be alone. being alone is the most painful state of mind.. to know that nobody is there for yu.. to know that nobody cares.

yes, we all sympathize the victims of cho's massacre.. but has nobody come around to sympathizing the reasons of why he's done it? or why he resorted in choosing to killing all the innocent people?
pressure from parents, maybe? suffering from depression? was too alone - reason being to growing hatred towards everyone?
cho was 'unknown' and 'random' to a lot of students in virginia tech..
but ask yurself. why was it that cho chose to do what he did?

IF SO, i'm not saying it's my personal opinion. however.. IF, this 'anti-social' behavior was the reason to cho's actions..
then didn't the students of virginia tech trigger cho's psychotic behavior?
hmm. just saying.
just having a look at the other side of the story, which, the media didn't portray.

that's why we all think the way we think. we're too caught up by the media, and possibly its biased opinions and thoughts.

oh, don't forget exaggeration.
anyhow, i'll apologize if i've offended anyone.

************************************************************************************

anti-social behavior is simply how people deal with a certain tradgedy, influence, or some kind of event that has effected them.
depression, isolation, violent behavior, resulting to drugs & alcohol, bullying, etc..
these are all actions catagorized under 'anti-social' behavior. they don't put it on themselves.. people and/or things around them, that influences them do. but the hard thing is.. did the chicken come first? or the egg?
did they do something that made themself an anti-social person, or did they become anti-social because of things and/or people around them?
hmm.. yet again, the ones with the heart of gold approach them, and try to give them some human communication in one way or another, simply by saying

"Hi."

sometimes.. yu get a negative response. ignorance? simplified answers? people always question the good behavior.

say a girl yu've never spoken to before, but know by face, came up to yu, and gave yu a little something.. like a chocolate bar.
do yu happily take it?
or do yu hesitate, and wonder why she gave yu the chocolate bar?

"why is she being nice to me?"

then yu start thinking cynically, questioning the good. does she want something? does she want to say something? why did she give the chocolate to yu?
yu see.. celebrities do that all the time. once they've put themselves in an awkward position.. once they've put themselves as a target for the paparazzi for the wrong reasons.. they turn to charity work, or donation to the poor, or some kind of organisation that is charitable. why? it makes them look better, and they think that they may get away with whatever the reason the paparazzi is chasing their asses for!
we all know, sometimes.. it's hard to tell whether a person is doing a good deed because they want to, or because they're making themselves look good. as hard as it sounds.. some people who donate huge amounts of money to the charity, may not even care about them, or even have any knowledge of them whatsoever.
people from poor, undeveloped countries cannot possibly imagine how our lives work. or how we live our everyday lives, around luxurious items, services, and satisfaction.

everyone knows what the 'EXTRA' gum looks like..? the one that comes in a few flavors.. honey lemon, sweet mint, strawberry, etc.

yes, that one.

anyhow, we simply consume the gum pallets inside it, and once we're finished with the packet.. we throw it away.
yu see.. my mum's friend went to cambodia last year, and once she finished the packet, she threw it away. a little kid who lives in cambodia, picked it up from the rubbish bin.. and used it as a wallet.
a gum packet?
as a wallet?

..do we still know how to appreciate what we've got?

Expectation

ex·pec·ta·tion /ˌɛkspɛkˈteɪʃən/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[ek-spek-tey-shuhn] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation

–noun

1.	the act or the state of expecting: to wait in expectation.

2.	the act or state of looking forward or anticipating.

3.	an expectant mental attitude: a high pitch of expectation.

4.	something expected; a thing looked forward to.

5.	Often, expectations. a prospect of future good or profit: to have great expectations.

6.	the degree of probability that something will occur: There is little expectation that he will come.

7.	Statistics. mathematical expectation.

8.	the state of being expected: a large sum of money in expectation.

everybody has expectations, or are pressured by it. students, friends, family, employees, religion, communities, etc..
it's a matter of how much we work to meet it, or when we meet those expectations. yes, some may even seem impossible to accomplish, but without these, what's the point of doing what we do..? infact, what's the purpose of life? we all work hard to please someone, and what they expect of yu. students work hard to get the A* not only to please their parents, but teachers. friends expect certain things off each other, as a collective, or even as individuals.

Emotion

e·mo·tion /ɪˈmoʊʃən/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[i-moh-shuhn] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation

–noun

1.	an affective state of consciousness in which joy, sorrow, fear, hate, or the like, is experienced, as distinguished from cognitive and volitional states of consciousness.

2.	any of the feelings of joy, sorrow, fear, hate, love, etc.

3.	any strong agitation of the feelings actuated by experiencing love, hate, fear, etc., and usually accompanied by certain physiological changes, as increased heartbeat or respiration, and often overt manifestation, as crying or shaking.

4.	an instance of this.

5.	something that causes such a reaction: the powerful emotion of a great symphony

-[www.dictionary.com]-

this noun is what separates us from the animals, and possibly from each other. what people say, or do, even the smallest action, determines how we interpret ourselves with this lexis.
because we've experienced this, and we know how it feels like, we're able to relate ourselves to songs, lyrics, movies, situations and people that reflect on different kinds of emotion. our boyfriends / girlfriends, best friends, friends, family, teachers, and even strangers are the main people who take part in how we feel. sometimes we're unable to deal with such emotions.. like heart breaks and depression, which happens to give out negativity. what people don't realise is that it's their participation that leads people to such state. depending on people to deal with how yu feel is impossible. yu may lean on them to help yu through it; but to depend on is asking them a big favor, which may not even be accomplished. males tend to hide how they really feel - especially when it comes to ones that give out negativity. thinking that it's not 'manly' to show their emotions out, this sometimes may cause a problem between them and the problem. females, on the other hand, tend to bottle it up their emotions - through all the different situations and such, and then open up about it with their friends. what we should all keep in our minds, is that even the slightest gesture that suggests any friendliness, even a smile, may brighten up someone else's day. it doesn't take that much energy or effort to do so, but it's the thought that counts. and what've we got to lose?

Motivation

what motivates people to change..?
there are 3 types of motivations - nature, intrinsic motivation, and extrinsic motivation.
intrinsic motivation does not need anything to motivate yu - yu simply motivate yurself, with yur own thoughts, opinion and decision. extrinsic motivation is the exact opposite - it's when yu are motivated by some outside factor or influence to change. nature, is just as it is - it's inevitable. addiction, is one subject matter that needs intrinsic motivation to change oneself. if the person chooses not to change, or does not want to, then how can anyone around them possibly offer help to that particular person? they should be able to want it in order to gain it. like all psychologists say, they have to be able to admit to the problem. this is considered the first step. noone can force yu to stop addictions such as smoking, drugs, shopping, etc. that's why they say it's so hard to quit. with just the state of mind, yu are able to do anything, simply with yur own intrinsic motivation. studying, for example, is one that not only i, but a lot of people (hopefully) is finding hard at the moment. i have my igcse exams coming up, and yes, all the seniors and people who've been through it say it's not that hard, but how can i not find it hard, if it's the one thing that's giving me all this stress at the moment? a little intrinsic motivation? easy? i think not. in class, i switch off almost within 10 minutes into it. i'm just not interested in that shit. but sooner or later, i'm guaranteed that i'll regret not listening to those little details that come out the teacher's mouth - and very much want to go over it again. it's when yu learn from yur mistakes - it's when yu deal with the consequences, where yu find yurself in desire to have another chance. the thing is, i don't think i understand the importance of these exams and all that shit. i know in my head, that if i don't give it all i got today, in a few years time, while i see my friends in fantastic workplaces, earning an enormous amount of cash, i may be stuck in some shitty job. and i know i dont' want that. but i can't seem to motivate myself to work harder, or study harder. my concentration is simply just drifting off elsewhere..
extrinsic motivation however, comes most the time in a form of threat in some way. losing weight, for example.. all those girls who suffer from bulimia or anorexia.. simply they feel the need to lose their weight because of the influence they gain from around them - magazines, TV, catwalks, or even shops. the media sends a message of, 'if yu're not at least a size 0, yu're not considered beautiful'. we all know this is a load of bullshit, but why isn't anyone doing anything about it? i was pretty much surprised when i heard about the change in the average size of clothing from 2 to a 4 or something in europe or something, and i was quite shocked to be honest, because for a while now we've all been talking about how they should stop this whole deal of being 'skinny' within the media, but noone's seemed to have done anything about it..! thousands of articles have been written about it, but nothing's been done. the ladies on the catwalk are still like toothpicks, the mannequins on the windows of shops are still unbelievabley skinny - people who actually purchase those clothes aren't exactly the same figure. anyhow, people change for the better, but the question is.. what is the term 'better'? how do we know what's best for us? motivation by nature, however, is a different story. this is just simply motivation to change in order to adapt to reality. growing up, for example. from being around 50cm tall, we grow to be around 150-200cm. obviously, our body figure changes, etc. mental change too - to be able to communicate better with the world. it's inevitable, changing due to natural causes. global warming too - we have to learn to adapt, and change for the better. yes, industrial development is good for us.. but is it good for us in long term? we're destroying our environment.. so how is it good for us? but i guess, because of this, we're able to learn from our mistakes. we want to live longer. we want to live around luxurious items and services. but shouldn't we consider the differences between what we desire, what could be done, and what's crossing the limit? mmm. creating a perfect environment, one that's most convenient, one that's most comfortable, isn't always for the best.

Future education

shouldn't we be able to choose what we want to learn? seriously. after all, we're the ones learning it, we're the ones revising it, and we're the ones that's going to take the exam! i'm sure some of yu hate at least one, if not more of yur subjects that yu're studying in school right now.. wouldn't yu want to spend yur time doing something yu do like, studying something yu do want to study instead of wasting yur time being forced to take something yu have no interest whatsoever in? life's too short for us to waste our time doing useless things.. yet we do it anyway. yeah, i guess yu can't live yur life perfectly - doing what yu want, etc. but why waste time doing so? it's complete bollux - and even with exams! what if yu fuck it up? what if yu're the type that gets all nervous on the day of exam.. but actually, yu're really, really good at that certain subject? should yu really be graded for what yu answer in 2 hours, or is the work throughout the year that counts..? yu see, if yu're nervous. yu tend to forget things. so why should that one exam yu sit, on that particular day decide whether yu get a U or an A* for gcses, ib, a-levels, or whatever else exam yu took? it's not like we can take the exam again.. we get one shot. yu fuck it up - and yet we get the blame. and think about it.. the world is developing as we speak. we take our exam in 2007.. but by the time we're getting our jobs, living our adult life, with our families.. by the time our kids are going through their teenage years, what they learn will be slightly, if not completely different from what we went through. isn't that true? what we learnt, will be old news. it wouldn't matter. the adults have to keep up with who we are, what we do and how the society works today, not the other way around. they say computers will keep up with human intelligence soon, etc. i kind of think that's all bullshit, since we don't blow up when we're in contact with water or whatever. so how can these 'computers' possibly keep up to human intelligence? the only reason human are different from animals is because we have brains we know how to use properly in order to create new things, communicate with each other, or even feel different kind of emotions. we're superior.. yet the 'scientists' amongst us are so desperate to develop technology.. to create machines which can 'keep up to human intelligence'. what bullshit. they're creating our own enemy. intelligent? i dont think so. we have fucking artificially colored fish nowadays for fuck's sake. why are we trying to mutate nature? we should appreciate it for what it is.. and what we call 'scientists' are inventing all these luxurious shit that isn't necessary - they're only there to make us life easier - which i think is convincing us to become lazier, and lazier. day by day. that's why global warming is such an issue today - yes, these 'scientists' are making our lives easier in short-term.. but aren't they creating long-term damage? keep in yur head that our future children will then have to face them; what we caused. wait.. rather what the scientists caused. haha and the funny thing is.. the news paper's talking about it. the tv's talking about it. the adverts, the people, the radios, the books, the movies are talking about it. but nobody seems to be bothered to be assed to do anything about it. ooh, just wait until the big damage in environment comes.. i don't know when that will be or what it will be, but it will come. we just have to wait for it. experience it. && then we'll react.
when it's finally hit us.

Prostitution

are we completely sure we know they are what they are? simply with no personality whatsoever, earning a living by providing sexual services to men. it's another kind of 'job' in society, however we developed a habit of looking down on them. seeing them as 'lower class'. i just don't think society has any rights to classify prostitutes as a degrading job; something to be ashamed of. honestly, we are all human beings; we all need our sexual entertainment and intercourse sometime in life - it's human nature to desire it! who decided one day that society gets to judge; whether they accept a certain action or someone, whether something's right or wrong? obviously, prostitution is seen way beyond unacceptable - in some places, it's even against the law. but why? the prostitute decide to be promiscuous - we certainly cannot do anything about this.. i mean, she has her own human rights too. prostitution also relates to sexual intercourse.. and just because there's a bit of cash involved in between it, i don't think society should take further actions and actually ban the job itself.

we all stereotype prostitutes; no personality, drug-addict, in debt, dirty, etc. however, they are human beings too, they just take advantage of the figure they've got, the appearance, etc. to pay for their bills, living, etc. so why is that so wrong? they decide to be what they are.. & i dont think society is in any position to stop them. yes, i agree, forced prostitution is unacceptable. but with age limits, perhaps, or even with legal papers or some registration or status, i think prostitution should be allowed to carry on.